I’ve been on the system!
I’ve fought The Cops, The Rules, The Courts, The Family,
The in- laws, The Social Workers, Docs, The DPP, The Judge,
Family Law Court, the Prosecutors and the Doctor.
And still I go, I don’t give up, I just keep working, finding ways
to get some truth, to get someone to listen to my pray.
I just want peace to find some truth, to right a wrong.
To be left alone in peace. To stop the violence, gets it known.
Does anybody out there understand! Oh yes I know where I can go.
Try the refuge. Those girls down there they know a thing or two,
they have been on the system too.
It’s old hat to them now you know, because they have had to do it too.
They know how hard you have to play.
They know the rules, the battles, and the tactics.
So off I go again social worker in hand this time- I’m armed.
I know about self esteem, the cycle, the buyback, the explosion,
And how it all works!
I’ve been to the refuge, I’ve done my training. Next week I’m
learning self defence then we will see what happens next!
Let’s see him try to beat me then.
I’ve had them all at my door, now I say let them in.
I’ve got nothing to hide. I’ve done nothing wrong, just been beaten,
threatened,
kept a prisoner, hourly raped, starved, kidnapped, burnt, stabbed with a knife,
nearly drowned, run-over and rammed with a truck
also kept awake for days at a time, brain-washed, tortured and all while I was pregnant with my beautiful child.
so let my partner lie and cheat I don’t care
I’ve done nothing wrong- just protected an innocent child.
stopped him from knowing domestic violence
tried to stop the cycle from continuing.
They say my name down at the Police station
they all go running want to hide.
Know I mean business won’t accept- no lame excuse,
Come back later, ring again, see someone else.
I’ve heard it all I know it well.
I wish those bloody cops got trained- and some of them even had more brains.
I want them to understand I just want peace.
Because I may not even be
able to get back to the police station ever again
I understand as even my mum died from domestic violence.
At her funeral my dad said I killed her I did it
we all looked at him and said
yes you did as he
had not said one kind caring word to her in fifty two years
of marriage just mental, emotional, physical abuse
As a child me and my twin sister would protect her and hid her in our cupboard
to keep her safe
In the maximum jail my ex was in he had told
me he would send hit men
after me
if I ever left him
so when I left after he wanted abuse to continue to our child
I stood up in maximum jail
and yelled at the
top of my voice
so ever inmate,every officer heard me send every hit man in here after me
I am leaving and never coming back
you might be able to do this abuse to me but not to my child we then left and never went back
I have had to move over forty times for my safety
Oh yes here I am I’m coming back for more
I’ve got my white pages, on the net looking for web sites.
I’m ringing them up Members of Parliament, Attorney Generals, and Solicitors, Ministers,
Human Rights Commissioners and Victims Services, Ombudsman too
I’ve been put on hold- ring again, in a queue waiting an hour,
Wasting precious time and money on these calls.
Then passed from person to person.
Had my rape file lost on some solicitors shelf for years,
I’ve even had to sleep alone on some old dirty park bench to stay completely safe.
Felt that I was completely forgotten.
Doesn’t anybody out there really understand!
But this battle only just begun I’ll find a way.
I’ll change the system make a difference
then I will make it easier for the next person.
Get some sense! Right this horrible, horrible wrong!
Remember me I’m the Survivor does anybody out there really care.
I’ve got my hand up, screaming loud.
You ring the Police station- they know my name
I’ve been there heaps, now they hide when they see me coming.
Because they know I really mean business.
I even had three police stations fighting about who would take my victims abuse statements
for the catague three rape trial
so I had to write the captivity statement myself
then the commander was rang by the DPP solicitor for my case
to complain and the local commander personally took my police statement again for catague three rape trial
You see they only wanted to charge him on one offence which was the longest and worst offence against me
even though there where hundred of assaults and incidents
again me
I have written over one thousands letters of complaint to them
to get the justice I deserve from all of this horrific abuse
Sometimes you’re very lucky- you find a good cop one that really understands
Knows how hard this game is to play.
One that knows this might be your last chance to get some help,
To even keep alive!
I wish they all got trained, they knew the rules.
Had the experience-then the system would change real quick
If they knew this game is no fun to play all day.
I’ve had the AVOs, seen detectives, made lots of statements,been a witnesses in the witness box, had plenty of courts experiences.
The lovely female judge had
even ordered i got carried out of the witness box when I could
not breath from telling
the jury about my horrific abuse story
and having to see the photo of the room I was raped in
then the judge dismissed the jury from them hearing about my eight hour rape story.
You see they were too
traumatised to hear any more evidence about the history
of my abuse and rape story
that was when i got told by the top crown prosecutor that the court system has no time for victims like me
Been looked after by the special victims unit, the DPP even wanted to put me in the witness protection unit
that was because my ex had the police woman threatened
who came to court to get my rape trial started
she acted quick and rang back to the police station so then a car load of detectives
come to court to ensure my rape trial went forward
I have even received my Victims Compensation and I’ve had lots and
lots of counselling so I pretty well know it all by now.
But mostly I know how hard it is to recover and then to move on
You see from all of this experience I’m getting to be an expert on the system now.
I’ve done the system-but yes it still needs work,
needs lots more changes, but I’m working on that too!
What can I say I needed lots of help when I came home from my rape trial,
I was very, very sad and mad!
It did some damaged to my thought process that’s for sure,
I didn’t think that I would make it,
I had to have people looking after me-making sure I was okay.
That I even wanted to go on for more and more
I even had to ask the cops will I get arrested now if I smile or laugh
That’s how damaged the Court Process had made me feel.
You see I spent three days in the witness box being questioned if I have ever smiled
my ex had used a photo of him ticking me where I was smiling and laughing when I visited him in jail to say that
I am a liar that my eight hour rape did not even
happen to me
I thought that I was the bad guy, even that I was in the wrong.
That everything was my fault and somehow I really
must of really- really deserved it.
It’s been forty years now since this has begin
Sometimes you can even hear me when I am screaming out loud,
Trying to find someone that actually understands how I really feel.
In the bad days I would even sleep with one eye open,
Having nightmares, and feeling frightened,
Then I’d forget to take my natural- medication.
Get up to check the door and the window once again,
Have to listen to each and every sound.
Making sure I’m safe and no one is in the house.
Watch for the police there they go they’ve just gone past,
Come to check, to make sure- I’m still alive,
Making sure my partner hasn’t gotten to me first!
At least I know I have a chance I might make it to the next day.
For so long I was put in hiding, didn’t exist, couldn’t give out my new address.
But I haven’t left this world just yet, but boy oh boy have I come close.
I have read lots of books, had years of counselling, been to groups for support,
Written poems, drawn pictures too, written songs and stories, done lots of work on my self-esteem,
done daily affirmations and visualisations too.
I even got asked to tell my story when I got a call from a women’s magazine called take 5
my story was called to hell and back
so in the piece I asked for more women of abuse to come forward and talk about their
abuse story
Because now they wanted to know the whole truth behind my real story.
Was also used by Sunday telegraph to take a stand for rape survivors so there are changes to the so called justice system for them
I even went to see the Attorney General to get them to listen to my story. I gave them paper work
on what was wrong with the so called system-
and how I felt, then I let them read my victim impact statement!
They were sorry when they saw me, realised how upset
I was to talk about what had really happened to me,
All the mistakes and mishandling and to know that
there was even more trauma that had been cruelly been done to me!
I got asked tell us what we need to do!
how to make it easier for the next person.
How can we change the system,
please tell us exactly what we need to do!
So I did, I told tell them what they needed to do.
I gave them a list of things I knew were wrong.
Then I told them how to treat those abuse victims.
Now make sure you don’t cause any more trauma,
treat them carefully, get some training, so you understand
you know exactly what to do, let them tell the whole truth
when in Court and make sure to keep them safe.
When I looked up into their eyes I saw tears
Because I had made them cry
you see- when they heard about my horrific abuse story
as it had been there job to look after me to keep me safe.
So off they went to Parliament just about straight away and next week it was on the news
there were changes to the rape system so now I know I must have made an impact.
Now everybody has to get trained- so they know exactly
what to do with the domestic violence victims!
Then I got asked to do some work for the police training system
so the cops also knew exactly what they had to do.
That was so good because it was one thing I told them
they really needed to do.
My case was used by the police training system
so the detectives who work with rape survivors
know what to do and say to them.
I even got a letter from the police commissioner to thank me
for my charity work for domestic violence victims and to say sorry for all the abuse that I went through as a domestic violence victim
Finally I got huge success when my victim’s comp
came through.
Couldn’t believe somebody finally got it. Understood, they knew the truth.
They knew how traumatised a person, I really had been.
So I went on holiday-because it was party time.
I drove my new car up the coast with my best friend sitting next to me.
We went all over the Gold Coast to have some fun,
Spent heaps of money on hotels, spas and ice cream
We drank lots of champagne too!Then I even gave my son some pocket money to spend just on him
Then came home and finally I got my permanent drivers license.
Now you see me driving around, can’t keep me still, I’m on the run.
I even have to watch my speed now.
What a change I’m not frightened now you see.
It’s taken years of hard work to get this far. But I still have bad days every now and then.
Because I never know what reaction
I will have next day-I may even cry all day.
Then I went to Court to get an APPREHENDED VIOLENCE ORDER it went wrong
And Police got questioned-why they had mucked up with my paper work.
They even left me out with the perpetrator,
Then they locked me a room with my statements-
They told me I had to read and re-read.
Don’t they understand how this made me feel?
For my ex
had actually kept me as his prisoner in a house with bars on all the
windows and doors.
They put my ex on the stand and the prosecutor asked him
Are you watching her at all?
He answered yes!
And let it stand with no word from anybody. What a disgrace!
I went home and felt very, very mad that my life had gone up in smoke again!
Where’s the justice? How could this be! Did he just admit to watching me?
Without even a question from anybody!
But I was so mad at this that I contacted to Ombudsman’s office
I wanted to get a change to the system so no other victim
went through the same as me.
Then I got a call from a Police Inspector just to tell me
can’t get another APPREHENDED VIOLENCE ORDER because my ex partner is already back in Maximum jail.
He’s done more damage, on to his next victim.
Done exactly the same as what he did to me.
What a mess! Don’t they understand how this makes me feel!I told the truth, I went to Court, went through all that trauma
Just to have it happen again to the next person.
I really, really want to see this stop! Will this nightmare ever stop!
I even sent a letter to the cops to tell them you must be careful
Now you know.
You don’t know what he’s going to do next.
He’s a time bomb waiting to go off. Any day now he will blow.
Because he’s already killed one of you!
Must be very careful watch your P’s & Q’s.
Keep your distance because he’s psycho you never know what he might do.
Then I got a call from victim’s services just to tell me he’s out of jail again.
His last victim was so traumatised she couldn’t go to Court again.
So they had to let him go. Couldn’t keep him in what a shame.
But they say they are going to watch him close,
because they know he’s going to re-offend again.
Then they sent me a letter to say he is a risk to society
but yet they are going to release him back into
to the society again
wow what do you say to this!
He’s on the black list,
DPP, Police and Corrective Services are watching too.
Then they ask me will I do it all again?
Will I go to Court with the next person again?
They need to have me on the stand. Tell the truth,
and get the jury to understand
just what kind of person
and how dangerous he really is.
But there are so many good things that have come out of all this.
My son, the baby that went through all of this horror too!
He’s amazing because he survived it all too!
Then at school he was really smart and funny too!
He’s been top of the class for years at school and all his friends
Would all line up to be his best-friend.
He’s so popular that’s for sure.
Now he’s a young adult and has left school he has a full time job too
And got himself a hotted up Holden car and a nice girlfriend too!
If you listen around the town you can even hear him coming
Up the road because he has such a big sound box in the boot of his car. He’s an adult now
and doing well still despite all the abuse that
had happened to him.
I have now moved back to
New Zealand the home of my birth to get away from
my crazy ex who was stalking me
also to be with my family
He is still stalking me on line has hacked my computer and phone I use and has paid people on my facebook page to target me,
follow, harass,
cause me distress so I suicide and can’t talk about the abuse of me and others.
My ex has even organised a hit to go out on me to shut me up
and to keep me quite.
He wants to finish me off and has planned to kidnap me
I am so glad that the creator,
my ancestors and the Archangels and Ascended masters are looking after me
to keep me safe as the
criminal system has completely failed me
my social worker from the DPP said don’t worry
about the system
it does not work just get yourself lots of counselling so you get better
from all of this horrific abuse
I also got told by a police inspector that no one cares about me and my abuse that it does not matter at all to anyone
Really is that what you think
I wonder what the universe thinks about this
I have done lots of work on myself
five self esteem courses, domestic violence courses,
anger management course
and five healing courses to work on my traumas,
also life coaching course and face reading course to work on all my issues and to spot a liar
so I get better from all the abuse that I went through.
Now I thank the universe for so many good things
That have come to me from all of this abuse and mistreatment I have been through!
And if you want to know some more to this story then you can look at my websites
and my charity stopalldomesticviolenceinc.com
www.writetoeducate.com
also u tube channel
Suzanne Rosemary Day
I have also written a biology of my life story to inspire other victims of domestic abuse and how you can heal from this abuse too also songs and poems about my experiences!