Holding lots of envy of others.

Anger and bitterness

Feeling entitlement for what they receive and take.

Needing to perform

Out doing others around them needing to be at the top and better than anyone else

Feeling contempt of others for who they are

A person who is a narcissist needs always to have the last word. The will often play dumb so you are not aware of what they have done or are doing to you. They hold a system of control over others. Playing mind games with others to confuse them as to what is really going on for them. Often they will dance around a subject not wanting to really answer it honestly so you know what is really happening to you. They can have a breakdown when you find out about the lies they have told to you. This is all part of the game that they play with you to cover what they have done to you. They love to create chaos around you so you are not sure what to do and will feel overwhelmed by this behaviour. They have a very fragmented soul and are emotionally broken inside them but they cover this situation up. Often they can create negative thoughts and beliefs around you to confuse you as to what you are. You can feel controlled and manipulated by them being gang-stalked and in a mental cage by them. They will hold indifference to your suffering from what they have actually done to you.

The cycle a narcissist uses with his victim is idealisation, devaluation, discard and sometimes hoovering or other abuse tactics like stonewalling or gas-lighting. Then the cycle starts again until the victim is able to leave and the cycle stops where the abuser will find a new victim to abuse and this cycle plays out again with a new victim in place.

They can also have a negative spirit that has taken over their soul as the original soul inside them has gone, shut down from trauma and disconnected from the body, left the body and they are not connected to their heart space in any way. The soul has been fragmented from huge trauma they have received and another lower energy frequency has entered the empty vessel and take over the body which is why they project negative energy a lot at others. This type of abuse can happen in any kind of relationship personal, business, family, work or professional. You will go through the trauma bond cycle with your abuser going up and down and around and around the cycle until you are able to leave. You can feel confused and overwhelmed also dependant on your abuser for your own needs. They love to make you dependant on them so you can become dependant on them and only them that way you will need them and they will have a continual supply of energy to steal from you when ever you connect to them. This is all a trap that you are in with them. They actually need you but you don’t actually need them they only project that you do.

Idealisation

When you are in the idealisation part of the cycle you will be put on a pedestal, made to feel special, getting attention and affection from your abuser. It can feel very unreal and even surreal like a dream life you are in. In the love bombing cycle you will get grand offers of help and presents, gifts, trips, holidays and lots of praise. Feeling adored and even needed by your abuser. Showering you in this with thanks and appreciation for you and for what you do for them or others. This is also done when they want you to get back into their energy again so you go around the cycle with them again. You can feel unsafe, disoriented, emotionally played with and unloved.

Mirroring

In the mirroring cycle you are copied for long periods of time this will start small and get bigger and over time. Till everything you do is copied by other person as they are trying to be you in all ways. Feeling they have a special connection to you. There can also be future faking which is when their are long talks of your future life is projected at you to focus on stating your dreams and goals. However this is all a lie and fake to give you a promise of your future that is great. The reason this is done is to give you trust in your abuser so you are invested in working with them, as they want you to think things have changed and are really getting better when they are not. This is just another part of the cycle going around for you. Living in this situation is a lot to deal with and you will often doubt yourself, thinking that you are making all of this situation up, are greedy and mad and is not really real and true for you. You will often feel mentally unwell, feeling gaslight, doubting yourself and what is really happening for you. You could be stonewalled by isolation and silence to control your world. What they are doing is putting all the blame on you so you feel that everything is your fault for every problem in the relationship or in their personal world. As the Narcissist can not take any responsibility for any actions that have been taken by them. You are always to blame for everything and can feel shamed by them too. They love to isolate you with silent games, no answers or no information is ever given to you so you understand what is actually happening for you. You will feel doubt and confusion all around you. Affection, communication and validation of your personal truth or any connection is rejected by them. You will often feel alone and stunned by them. They love to check up on you, to watch you, ringing you, being in your space in some way, staying near you so they know what you are up to all the time.

Discard

You will feel emotionally devastated, abandoned by them left out when going through this cycle of abuse with them. This type of abuser needs you to boost their ego as they live in their ego mind, they need to feel that they are above you in some way that you are their to met all of their personal needs. If you leave them they will go out and find another person to use this cycle on. You will feel rejected, unwanted or needed by them. Using cruelty and indifference towards you. Often you feel in shock, abused, controlled and out of control in your own life. Feeling denied by them, dismissed of your personal needs and devalued by them for what you can bring to the table and to the world. There will be fights then silence by them. Feeling betrayed by them, used, forgotten, left behind, unwanted, going with other people, friends, relationships or creating debts for you to have to pay off. All trust for them will be gone. You will feel devalued by them. Often you will go into the flight, fight, freeze or fawn response.

Fawning Response

Fawning is a trauma response it is people pleasing with others so you are not hurt and are keeping yourself safe by doing this action. You do this so there is no conflict caused with others. You are afraid to stand up for yourself in anyway. You will put others above your own needs, this is really common for abuse survivors to do this. As they are not comfortable saying no or standing in their own ground and making a scene being in your truth and holding your own personal power not wanting others to value you. You will also walk away from problems as you can’t confront them and work on making things better. Also needing validation from others and not validating yourself. You do all of this behaviour so nothing bad happens to you but you are cheating yourself by this action and putting your life last. When you not allowing a conflict to happen that needs to happen you are staying stuck where you should not be. Not wanting to be assertive or in control of your own life, being wishy washy and not connected to your own needs in your life. What you are doing is not valuing you for who you are and what you can bring to the world. Your emotions are being suppressed and held back by your actions. This is a stress response you are trying to survive abuse to neutralise the danger that you are in and are downplaying this threat to you in your life. What you are doing is self sacrificing yourself for another selfish person’s needs. You are being exploited by some one with emotional manipulation so you stay small and never grow to the best you can be. If you feel this way you need to work on your self esteem to help overcome this and feel more whole and in your own power. If you have been in long term abuse be easy with yourself as it takes time to change and small steps are OK for you to do and move forward so take some small steps forward in your own life.

Flight Response

This is a direct threat to your life where you need to escape danger it can be a real threat or a believed threat that you are in. You will be physically running away from danger to keep yourself safe. This is aggressive or confrontations that are happening around you, with shouting, fighting, hitting, beating, being irritable and wanting to control another person to keep yourself safe and alive. Your body does this with adrenaline and cortisol that goes through your body and makes your heart rate and energy racing so you are able to think clearly again. It is when you are in a life threatening event that is happening for you. You run from danger withdrawing yourself bodily from they situation so you survive. Stress hormones are flooding your body so you quickly move away from the danger..

Freeze Response

Here you can act dead, in shock, paralysed, unable to move forward or make a decision in your life. You can feel numb, stiff, disconnected from the flow of life, blank mind, slow breathing, heart beat slows down. Your body and system goes into shut down mode to keep you safe with no reaction or event happening physically you want to disappear to not be seen or heard to frightened to act or take any action at this time.

Fight Response

This is aggressive or confrontations that are happening around you, with shouting, fighting, hitting, beating, being irritable and wanting to control another person to keep yourself safe and alive. Your body does this with adrenaline and cortisol that goes through your body that makes you heart rate and energy racing so you are able to think clearly again. You will feel intense anger, agitation and power over another person wanting to attack another in some way. It is when you are in a life threatening event that is happening for you. You are fighting for your life and your own survival.

Hoovering

Trying to reconnect with you so they can go through the cycle again with you. Saying that they need you and can’t get anything done without you reengaging with them. They need you and only you can do what they need from you. They will be pulling at your heart strings so you will trust them again and let them back in again. There could be big apologies of how sorry they are for what happened that it was all a misunderstanding that they were stressed and downplaying the situation of how abusive it was for you. Saying that they are sick, in debt and need your help and only you can help them now.

Smear Campaign

Spreading nasty lies to others using flying monkeys groups of people to target you with abuse. You can loose all credibility, lose all support and help with gossip to anyone who will listen to them. So there is actually a mob of people targeting you not just one person. They need a group of people to target you so you collapse physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. They want all support and love for you to stop so you are totally alone and can’t function. They want you to feel valueless, unheard and not seen. They will tell others how abused they are by you so you are seen as the abuser of them not the other way around and how it should be.

Devaluation

Once the narcissist has set the ground rules they will go to this next stage of making you feel undervalued and unwanted. The cycle has gone from been made to feel special to feeling devalued. They want you to feel worthless and unwanted, criticised and always in the wrong, the bad one, the problem and the cause of all problems that are there. Your self esteem can take a huge hit and you will feel unsure of yourself and your own abilities. You may try to please them so things return to how they were before and are “normal” again. They can nick pick you to target you with gossip about you, they can even punish you when you don’t do what they want you to do. They will test your boundaries disregarding and over running your boundaries that are keeping you safe. To see how far they can test you and control you to see if you will stand up for yourself and speak up to gas-lighting you.

How To Recover From This Cycle

For you to recover you need to go through the grief that you have felt for this relationship. Feeling emotional confusion, overwhelmed, abused, sadness, guilt, loss, uncertainty, turmoil, blame and shame. What you need to do at this time is to educate yourself on what a narcissist is so you understand what is happening to you and then you will know what to do and how to get out of this cycle. Having this information gives you tools to use and an understanding of what has been going on for you. There is a lot of free information on the internet about this so check this out so you get yourself educated then you can move forward in a proactive way knowing what to do. Knowledge really is power so use this as the first step to get out of this cycle. Once you understand what is happening for you then you will feel peace, having knowledge that you can use to go a better way. Once you have educated yourself then you will see that you do not need to be in this type of relationship that it is not healthy for you to do this. You will recover and receive self care, self love, healing, support, needs met by doing this there are even groups on line that you can join so you are not alone in this journey so reach out. You can also contact mental health workers, Drs, social workers, counsellors for help too.