Victim and Bystander

These are two of the players in the domestic violence cycle. If a bystander speaks out about the abuse that is happening to you and is personally witnessing events they can also be abused which makes it very hard for them to say the truth to others. Evidence can be repressed and held back from getting to the authorities and the world. The public may not be ready to hear the horrific truth of what happened to the victim so it is hidden to reduce fear and trauma to others. In order to deal with the abuse of the events it needs to be addressed and spoken of openly in the community and to the world. True victims need to come forward without feeling in fear of what will happen to them if they tell the truth. When abusive things happen to you others may not want to hear the truth of events they can try to shut it out of their world as it is too hard for them to hear the truth at that time. Some of these words describing your truth can become unspeakable and un-hearable by others and those around the abuse. The strange truth is that when an event happens from nature others will come forward and help. But often when it is from an abuser the bystander is made to take a side and this is very uncomfortable and unfair for them to do this. Their needs to be a social context so that victims can talk of their own truth in order to heal their own wounds. Others need to have an awakening moment so that victims can be supported and then receive the help that they need. By being able to assist victims to tell their own story and truth they can heal and move forward in their life. It is healing to speak your own truth and to tell your own story. A victim can feel outrage and humiliation for what they have been through but they still need to tell their own truth. When all are in control of the situation and are silencing victims from coming forward to get help you are stopping their personal healing journey. By allowing a victim to speak their truth you are uplifting them from abuse and terror releasing their own secrets to the world. A victim can be continually attacked and will stay in the abusive relationship when they do not feel safe to say their own truth. When bystanders refuse to speak out and there is a stony universal silence placed around the abuse that is taking place they are even helping the abuser to allow the abuse to continue to happen. Sometimes others can even say that the victim is exaggerating the truth even when the victim is an upstanding local member of the community. An abuser at this point will do what ever he can to hide all the crimes that have taken place to the victim. He may even rationalise all of his bad behaviour. His aim is to stop anyone from listening to the victim of the abuse. Discrediting them in any way that they can so all the truth is hidden away tucked away and not seen or heard. Only the true hero of this abuse will know the truth that needs to be spoken out. If the victim of this abuse is isolated not supported and those around them are quiet and silently look the other way the abuse will continue to happen. The truth is no one around the victim wants to know because the truth is too hard to bear by others. Bystanders often have been known to take the side of the violator, the abuser this is the easy side to take. Members of the public the community will want to forget the events and will not take the side of the victim to support them. Unless a bystander has a supportive environment he will be found to look away from the abuse to stay quiet. Using secrecy and silence to hide all of the crimes that are going on between victim and abuser. Any one who tries to investigate all of the horrific acts are also attacked and not believed by others. The victim will often spend their life in isolation, shunned from society and abused behind closed doors. In domestic violence the support comes from family and friends and those around the victim like truth tellers. The victim is receiving total ostracism from all around them. Onlookers of the abuse used universal silence to hide the truth. Other onlookers can have patriarchal values so refuse to get involved in the matters and look away. Or they can dissociate so they are not scoffed at by others if they speck out about this. Anyone with a stress condition will be punished so they will no doubt look away and not get involved in this cycle. Many onlookers are really lazy cowards too ashamed to come forward with the truth. This lonely fight the victim plays is prolonged by all who could end this madness in a heartbeat if they were only brave enough to speak out. The suffering they hold is evil and very unjust for them to wear inside them. All these onlookers and bystanders live in an unrecognised reality holding a stubborn resistance of the victims life that stops the victims story to be ever told. These victims are left to speak up for themselves as they are the only brave ones here in this story. Is this happening to you are you a victims of this abusive cycle if so you need to speak out and say your truth so you can protect other victims from this. Get yourself support and help so you are not alone and isolated by this abuse happening to you.