What Is Reactive Abuse?

This is abuse when you are targeted by others continually to the point where you then react in an upset way at the person or group who are doing this to you. They will then tell you that you are abusive even though they were really the person or group who where abusive to you first. As a victim of this abuse you will reach a breaking point where you will eventually react to them by lashing out at the abusers or others nearby. This abuse is done to shift the blame of their actions on to you and to project what they were feeling onto you so you are now the cause of the problem. When really you are not and were just minding your own business doing your own thing. Often these type of abusers are really narcissist who will use these kind of tactics to attack you. They make it so everything is in their favour and you are to blame for all the problems. They want to look good even though they really caused the problem for you. You see the abuser is the one who is holding the power and control in a situation over other people not the victim of abuse. The poor victim will feel confused and upset by all of this continual abuse. Sometimes even fear and depression or anxiety as a result of the abuse they have received. They can feel panicked and have separation anxiety, feel disorientated also very alone from this. Many will have flashbacks, hypervilegance, irritability and even nightmares. They will live in fear and anxiety for a lot of the time. An abuser like this can even ignore your pleases to stop they will punish you and try to control your life. Their goal is to keep you reactive and feeling upset with them. Often even saying that they are really upset with you and that you should not react to their behaviour and need to control how you act. Reactive abuse is actually a way a victim will try to stand up for themselves to defend their rights to be safe from abuse. They can receive gas-lighting, physical abuse, verbal abuse and even mind games being played with them. Finding themselves in flight or fight mode a lot of the time. It is possible they are unable to flee the area where they are being stalked. They are not the cause of the problem as the abuser is always at fault. Any reaction will mean their abuser will use this as a reason to say they are actually the abuser in the situation. Often an abuser will take a recording of the reaction to say and tell others how they are really the one being abused. They can use other people as witnesses or flying monkeys (groups of people to target this person). These other people will come to the defence of the abuser to say they are really the one being abused. The poor victim will reach breaking point feeling overwhelmed and alone with no one to go to for help and very alone.

Here is How You Can Tell It Is Reactive Abuse!

1 The behaviour being shown is not normal for that person.

2 The person was provacated to react with aggressive actions that had been taken against them. This can be mind games, gas-lighting, humiliation, personal threats, being targeted, insulted, lied to and stalked. As a result of this they react and stand up for themselves to get the abuse to stop.

3 Reacting as in a self protective manner from some form of abuse so that it stops. The victim never started the chain of abuse that is happening at the time. The only reason the person reacted was because no other action changed the abusers behaviour and they are unable to stop the abuse from happening to them.

4 Often the victim will feel very overwhelmed and confused. They will feel very guilty for reacting in the way that they did.

5 They will hold shame and feel guilty for all of this exchange that is happening to them.

6 They will feel confused and can even doubt their own reality and will feel unsure of what is actually going on.

7 The victim will feel fear. All the victims actions are being used against them as evidence of their bad behaviour and why they are really the abuser. This is very controlling and manipulating behaviour to live with. This type of abuse will affect the victims self esteem and mental health. They will feel isolated and can have trouble sleeping and will feel very unsafe. An abuser will always make the victim feel that they are at fault for all of the behaviour in this dynamic. The victim will feel like they are losing their own mind and could be going mad. When others don’t listen to anything the victim says and what is happening to them they will be very alone and isolated with no one to go to for help. This victim is being gas-light they will feel bad and very guilty they can even become dependant on their abuser for everything and give up their own life so they have peace again.

The best thing that you can do if you are receiving this type of abuse is to be educated about it and to understand that this is just another type of abuse. With a pattern of behaviour that is happening to you to see the behaviour for what it is abuse. Your abuser is trying to get a reaction out of you. The best thing you can do is to not react in anyway to walk away or to stop/block all contact if you can so they can no longer engage with you. Always get yourself some help and support so you are no longer alone. You can also work on your triggers so that you no longer react to any of this. If this behaviour is from a partner or friend it might be time to leave this relationship to keep yourself feeling safe. Purposely pushing your buttons to cause you distress then attacking you for being upset. To purposely manipulate you, violates, invalidates, targets you, then blames you for the problem and being upset. Its when you react to someones bad behaviour of you. Not mentioning how they treated you or what they did to you to cause a problem or to correct the problem to apologise for what was done to you. It is when you are blamed for the problem that was created when you never caused the problem in the first place and only reacted to their abuse of you or bad behaviour. Also it can be when everything is always your fault for reacting. The whole purpose of their game is to target you in every possible way to get a reaction out of you. When it is always your fault for their bad behaviour and no responsibility taken by them. It can also be when your energy is drained continually so your vibration lowers then they target you for having a lower vibration and being depressed or upset. All of this is intentionally done to upset and unbalance you. When the reason they are behaving a certain way is based on control or abuse of you. The person doing the abuse will be in their ego and their goal is to bully you to the point of suicide. They want to control and destroy your life so they win that game they are playing. Wanting to control how you feel and what you do in your own life. Wanting to own you so you have no say or choice in your own life. They will purposely want to trigger you so they get a bad reaction out of you and you are always feeling upset. Then they will blame you for the problem that they actually caused to you. Playing mind games with you to knock you off balance and to gas- light you. This is when there is lots of underhanded behaviour going on that is usually hidden from view. All of this is done in the dark and behind the view of others so only you know what is being done. It can be your reaction to their abuse and disrespect of you. The person who does this is a bully and wants to get a bad reaction out of you. Their goal is to cause you as much distress as they can. If you are receiving this it is important to educate your self about this type of abuse so you know what to do and what it is. It is called reactive abuse by psychologists. Get yourself some support for you so you are not alone with this abuse that is happening to you.