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This is a family role or behaviour pattern that is seen in many families. It is often referred to as the quiet one, the child who does not say or do much and hides away from all the stress in the family. They can be invisible to others, so not always seen, and forgotten about. This is a behaviour pattern that is showing up here, you grew up independent, quiet and hard to see. They act this way because they received very little emotional attention growing up. You will see this child in dysfunctional or overwhelmed households. They cope with stress by becoming quiet, invisible and self-sacrificing, they will avoid any conflict and emotional demands by withdrawing into solitude. Often they will retreat to a fantasy world of books, movies or nature and will have imaginary friends to rely on. This is a classic survival role, children adopted during family trauma, addiction or for chronically emotional neglect. The attention of the family is consumed by other chaotic dynamics. They learn the safe way to avoid, criticism or burdening overwhelming parents is to need nothing and to demand nothing from them, to rely on the self. As an adult they hold the role of carrying the trauma of the family into adulthood. Into their future relationships, where they may struggle with intimacy, setting boundaries and expressing their own desires. They may find it difficult “To take up space” or “to be in their own power.” They believe their presence and needs are truly unwelcome. A great book that talks about this type of child is “The trauma of the lost child,” by Anne Wright a psychotherapist.
Characteristics
They feel invisible they actively try not to be noticed, blending into the background of the family.
Hyper- Independence
They become self- reliant and rarely ask for help from others.
Conflict Avoidance
They suppress their own needs and feelings to keep the peace in the family.
Solitary Activities
They often retreat into reading, videos games or internal day dreams, also nature spirits to play with.
