Often we have conversation that we need to take but we can’t because the person has died or we don’t have contact with them anymore. Sometimes it is not safe for us to contact them to say what we need to say to them to heal our internal wounds. So here is a process that helps you to say what you need to say to someone in this situation. It is also very healing to you so that you can move on with your life and not feel stuck in the emotional past. I know it has helped me to move on and not feel broken or emotionally stuck in an event. I used this process when I left my abuser and started a new life. It is a great way to get emotional closure on an issue.
Also when my dad died and I had never got to say to him conversations I needed to say to him to heal myself and move on with my life. I was unable to stop crying but once I wrote the letter to him I felt so much better and I stopping crying. I used the lessons I learnt from him to make up a book mark to use for my charity about what daughters need from their fathers to feel safe and loved so the lesson was used for good to help others do better.
I also used this process when I sent a letter to the police who had left me behind after my eight hour rape. They came took the abuser to the police station but forgot about me and left me behind with no support or help and no medical help after an eight hour rape while seven and half months pregnant and I had been bleeding from the assault. The distress about this assault kept coming up in my sexual assault sessions. That the police left me behind on the day I needed them the most. I felt that they must not care about me and my welfare to do this to me that I really was worthless for this to happen to me. I needed to find a way to get closure about this so my counsellor suggested I write a letter to the police at that station to say how I felt about that. So I did I wrote a letter to that station to the “Domestic violence officer” and several weeks later I received a verbal reply to the domestic violence officer in my local area to say that they got my letter and that they “Hear me and how I felt about this”. That they are really happy that I and my baby survived this assault. Also really happy I am away from my abuser now and are healing from this terrible domestic violence. That it’s good I am having sexual counselling for the sexual assault and doing work with the local crisis centre to help me heal and get educated about domestic violence. They were also over joyed to know that I was taking legal action about all the domestic violence I received from my abuser and the monstrous eight hour sexual assault. Then they thanked me for writing the letter to them to let them know how I felt about this event and they wanted me to feel better and to keep getting help.
I have also received several apologies from the police after they became aware that there have been many mishandling on my case. Once the local domestic violence officers came to my door and apologised to me for the way my case had been handled after my rape by the police. Another time I had a detective apologise to me and another time I had a local commander apologise to me it all helps you to feel better and to heal.
Get a bit of paper address it as you would if you were going to send the letter to them and then write down in factual statements how you really feel and what it is that you need to say to the person “what is it you need to say to that person so you feel heard, accepted and loved. What is it you need to hear from them to feel better too you can put that in too. Keep writing your feelings down until you have nothing else that needs to be said to them and you feel some relief. Once you have finished you can save the letter put it somewhere special or burn the letter when I wrote the letter to my ex-partner (my abuser) I cut it up into tiny pieces than I burnt it and buried the ash into the garden then jumped up and down on top of it to release my anger to him. I then destroy it and that helped me end the relationship in my mind. But do what ever makes you feel good what ever gives you closure so you can move on with your life. You will be surprised at how good you feel when you have done this little exercise and how much better you feel about the situation. Sometimes you need to write two letters one that is angry then after you have got all that out of your system. You can write the second letter that is not so angry and more balanced.
Moral : Heal your past wounds so you can have a healthy and happy life!
For more information on my True story voices from inside you can look at the business website www.stopalldomesticviolence.com